OOOh I hate days like this. Just when I think I can't sink any lower into depression, the first week of July rolls around and boom, I'm there. Its bad enough that my financial situation is no better, and doesn't look like its going to improve any time soon, but the 6th and 8th of July is always so hard for me.
July 6, 1998, my grandfather, who raised me, passed away at the age of 80. Ok, sure, he had a long good life, but that doesn't make me miss him any less. My grandmother died Jan 26 1980, a year before my son was born, and yep, missing her too. But July was a double whammy for me. Why? July 8 2000, my beloved husband Tom was killed in a senseless car accident. He was my soul mate, my best friend, everything I could ever want. We had just celebrated our 8th wedding anniversary, and his 38th birthday just that April. Anyway, losing them both, plus my darling cousin Skyla to Cystic Fibrosis 3 weeks before Tom, just weighs so heavily on me. And each year I think I'm going to get past those dates with less pain, and nope, doesn't happen. Skyla was only 15...Tom was only 38. Two lives cut so short...not fair!
And to top THAT off, my son called me earlier today. They live 35 min from me now, and I barely get down there to spend time with him and his wife, not to mention spoiling my 3 little sweeties. Well, he wanted to let me know that they are moving to Joplin (3 hours or so away!) the first of next month. I'll miss James' 27th birthday Aug 21, Thomas' 4th birthday Oct 2, Radonna's 29th birthday Oct 26, and Fallon's 6th birthday December 17. Oh and lets not forget the holidays!!! I simply cannot drive down there (not only have I not driven for a year, due to my Meniere's Disease), but my ex STILL has my car! With no income at all, I can't take a bus. I'm really happy for them, working out problems and allowing Radonna to be close to her family after being away from them for 6 years, but that doesn't mean I can be happy about my only chick moving so far away from me.
Anyways, they say its theraputic to write down things when you're upset. So we'll see......
No comments:
Post a Comment